100 lies men tell women

Came across this funny article on the Internet and laughed my ass off! 

 

100 lies men tell women

1. I’ll call you.
2. I love you.
3. You’re the only one.
4. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.
5. I’ve got to work late at the office tonight.
6. That’s the best sex I’ve ever had.
7. You’ve got the most beautiful eyes
8. No, I’m not married
9. Sorry. I must have left my wallet and credit cards at home.
10. You just have to believe me when I tell you nothing’s wrong.
11. I’m ready to make a commitment.
12. Except for a beer or two, I never drink.
13. My wife and I haven’t had sex in years.
14. We’ll get married as soon as I …
15. I’ll be home in twenty minutes.
16. It’s not that I don’t care – I just have to spend more time with my kids.
17. I’ve only slept with maybe ten women in my entire life.
18. I’ve been celibate since we broke up.
19. I could never lie to you.
20. I can still last all night
21. I always use a condom
22. I can help you get a great job in my company (field)
23. I tested HIV negative
24. I haven’t seen her since she and I broke up
25. The only sexual fantasies I have are about you
26. No, I don’t think your thighs (stomach, breasts, hips, etc.) are too big
27. I’m too tired
28. How could you think I’d be interested in her? She’s your best friend
29. When it comes to oral sex, I’m the best
30. I’ve never had any trouble keeping an erection before
31. It’s you and me, babe – we’ll make love all over Europe
32. I’d never do anything to hurt you.
33. I want to grow old with you
34. Believe me, my wife and I live very separate lives
35. Our having sex won’t change a thing between us
36. Don’t worry, I’ve had a vasectomy
37. I’m going to leave my wife
38. You’re nothing at all like my mother
39. Your being a different religion doesn’t matter to me
40. It doesn’t bother me that you make more money than I do
41. Even without sex, we’d still be friends
42. I think older women are the most exciting
43. I’m considered one of the top people (in my field, in the company)
44. What attracts me to you is your mind
45. We’ll split all the child care and household chores fifty-fifty
46. Of course I don’t mind that you didn’t come
47. I’ve never had an affair before
48. You’re the only one who understands me
49. I’ve never been in therapy
50. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me
51. No, I’m not seeing anyone else
52. I haven’t thought about her (old girlfriend) in years
53. How many times do I have to tell you I’m not having an affair?
54. Your career is as important as mine
55. I promise you that I’ll change
55. I want us to remain close friends always
57. My wife and I have an understanding
58. You’re wonderful; you deserve someone better than me
59. I don’t masturbate
60. Let’s be friends first
61. When you walked through that door, I knew it was the real thing
62. I’d like you even if you were a man
63. It’s okay to be good looking, but looks just don’t mean that much to me
64. The difference between us will bring us even closer
65. I spend everything I earn on you and the kids
66. No, I never said that
67. You make me feel like a kid again
68. I’m going out with the boys (to the gym, to the office)
69. I’ll move wherever you want
70. Of course I’m not bored with you
71. As soon as I finish this project (get a promotion, a raise, make partner), we’ll……
72. You’ve got more sex appeal in your little toe than my wife’s got in her whole body
73. It wouldn’t be you and me anymore if I used one of those
74. Let’s pool our assets – whatever is mine is yours
75. I still find you just as attractive as the day I met you
76. Divorce is the farthest thing from my mind
77. Sure, I’ll watch the kids
78. It’s not just the sex I want, it’s being close to you.
79. We’ll be spending a lot of time together when I retire
80. You’re the only reason I’ve worked so hard
81. If I didn’t have all this work, you know I’d go with you and the kids to your mum’s
82. No one’s ever turned me on like you do
83. My boss says there’s nothing to worry about
84. I’ll never tell
85. Relax, she’s just a friend
86. This is just a temporary separation until we get things worked out
87. Your hair (dress, outfit) looks fantastic
88. It was just sex – it didn’t mean a thing
89. Of course I’m listening to what you’re saying
90. Come on in and we’ll just cuddle for a few minutes
91. No, I don’t think you’re fat
92. You’re the woman I should have married
93. I’m going to be focusing on my work for a while now.
94. I guarantee you, I’m not the father
95. Your having kids has nothing to do with my not wanting to get married
96. I’m not ashamed of the way you talk (look, act, etc.)
97. It’s nothing personal; I just don’t like sharing my living space with someone
98. This time I’m really serious
99. Honestly, honey, it’s just for the guys – none of the wives go to the conference
100. I’ll always take care of you.